Jeff Rohrer: Monsters, Cowboys, and Some Priceless Advice From Dad

Four years ago if you asked any of his friends, they’d tell you that Jeff Rohrer is a good guy. They’d probably mention his football career with the Dallas Cowboys, that he went to college at Yale, or maybe they’d say that he is actually a really talented painter.

Now, if you ask about Rohrer it’s almost impossible for people not to mention his same sex marriage. Actually, the first same sex marriage of any NFL player in history. But no matter who you ask, one thing stays the same. Jeff Rohrer is a good guy.

I got the opportunity to talk to Rohrer about his story. For such a big moment, he admitted that he doesn’t talk about it much but he didn't shy away from any of the details. He admitted that he didn’t always allow himself to realize he was gay because it never really fit into his plan.

“Son of a lifeguard and teacher, doing well in school, always doing well in sports…it never really fit into the story of my life,” said Rohrer.

Sixty years went by before he began to explore this part of himself. He had been lying to himself for so long but deep down he always knew there was something in him that he was hiding. He felt like he was living in the shadows.

“When I was a kid I always got sad when the monsters were killed in movies,” he said. “I feel like it was a secret meaning because I related to them. I was always hoping I wasn’t that person, that monster that I could feel inside. But there was nothing I could do about it. I had to be strong and face it.”

That's exactly what he did, he faced it. He first came out to his ex wife and kids, and for a while nobody else knew about it. When he decided to get married to his partner Joshua Ross, he had to face his biggest fear, telling his close friends and family that he was gay.

“I didn’t expect everyone to be so nice,” he said to me with a shaky voice. “When I talked to my dad he said, ‘everyone’s going to be fine.’ I said ‘ya bullshit dad!’ He told me that it’s based on who you are, if you’re an asshole your whole life people will pay you back, but if you’re a good guy everything will be fine.”

Since his coming out, Rohrer has had a lot of people reach out and ask him for advice. Most of them ask him to talk to their kids to help them with their coming out process. He gives them all the same advice that his dad gave him.

“I have lived my life very honorably. My word’s good, my handshake’s good. I’ve done a lot of nice things for people. I think because of that I was really lucky,” he said.

He acknowledges that we have come a long way as a society since he played in the league. He thinks its acceptable now to be a gay NFL player. “If you’re good enough to play and kick ass, they don’t care. If I had to come out in college I would have never played for the Dallas Cowboys…ever! Not in the 80s. No way. I would’ve never been drafted, I would’ve never had a shot.”

He also realizes that a lot of kids probably feel the way that he felt when he was a collegiate and professional player.

“I don’t think a lot college football guys are ready to come out yet, they still don’t know who the fuck they are. People all have different journeys and that's okay. If you saw me on the street and you didn’t know, you’d probably think I was still chasin’ tail.”

As we ended our conversation Rohrer wanted to make sure that I knew he understood the important role he holds as the first NFL player in a same sex marriage. “Josh and I became the first same sex couple to get married out of the NFL. That won't ever happen to anyone else. I know that the step Josh and I took opened the door for other people to take that step if they were ready. Everyone has their own life, and should make their own decisions on their own timeline. It’s not an easy thing to face, but it’s getting easier,” he said.

As a kid, Rohrer felt like there was a monster hiding inside of him, but times have changed. “We are at a tipping point where the people who don’t accept it are the monsters. They’re all going to die out like fucking dinosaurs. My biggest hope for future generations is when it doesn’t fucking matter anymore.”

Well said Jeff.

Jeff and his husband Joshua on the NFL Pride Float

Photo from NFL.com

Jeff in his football days.

Photo from usatoday.com